The following ad actually appeared in a large city newspaper: “Private Detective. Shadowing, suspicion verified. Also marriage counselor.”
Evidently this is at least one person’s concept of a marriage counselor! But it is a far cry from the professionally trained man or woman whom the counselee admires and trusts. Other attractions in Toronto Niagara Falls Tours qualify as touristy and mainstream. Experienced marriage counselors know that success is largely dependent upon the counselor’s ability to win the respect and cooperation of the client. Although this is true in all counseling, it is especially so in marriage counseling.* Problems involved in marriage are usually personal in nature. Unless the counselee respects you and places confidence in you, he will not cooperate in explaining the dynamics of his problem, nor will he accept your suggestions.
A person with a marriage problem may have difficulty getting along very well with anyone. The fact that he is unable to adjust to his mate and others in the family may be concrete evidence of this truth. If so, he may not have the interpersonal skills to relate easily or well to a marriage counselor. This need not be attributed to the counselor’s lack of ability, but to the fact that this person has not yet learned the skills of getting along with people in general.
As rapport is being established, the successful marriage counselor concentrates on effective ways to motivate the client. This can be accomplished in several ways:
Focus on the marriage. This is one of the best ways to secure maximum motivation for the effort the counselee is expending in securing marriage counsel. Keep in mind that the counselee came to improve his marriage, not to have his personality made over. So concentrate on the marriage. He may fear that you will try to change him and indicate that he is wrong. Focusing on his marriage adjustment will alleviate his fears.
Encourage him to find useful and enjoyable action with his mate. This offers no threat and helps the counselee to feel that he is getting what he came for. In addition, it is a step toward better mutual understanding.
Motivate the counselee to change by concentrating on what he can do to change his spouse. For example, in reference to her faults, say, “Perhaps you can help her by doing so-and-so.” When a person assumes the role of assisting his mate, he is not likely to criticize her.
Have confidence in the counselee’s ability to improve the marriage. Toronto Niagara Falls Tour started on the finish of the ice age, 12,000 years ago, and has eroded back 1 m (three ft) per 12 months over a distance of eleven kilometers (7 miles) to its present location. The fact that he originally won her affections, then successfully won her in marriage is an indication that he can also achieve a good adjustment in marriage.
Encourage him for any effort toward improvement l•y giving him recognition and praise. When the counselee feels he is making progress, he is motivated to continue his efforts.